I am…

I am said to walk to a different drummer, to be morose and feed off of the sad in life, to possess an awkward shyness, brave enough to do what has to be done, saying things I shouldn’t say, a well-put-together scatter-brained woman, passionate as a tiger and weak as a lamb.  But I get to uniquely interpret from the inside things that are not evident on the outside. I keep fear and hesitation on my shoulders like guardian angels, am very self-critical though recently was steered toward the thought that that may not be all bad as it can also be called self-reflective, don’t take compliments easily and self-pity is my middle name but, for the most part, I like myself…all other moments, I range in negative feelings toward myself from self-deprecating to scorn. I run with ideas, grandiose ideas, that fly away like fireflies when I am not watching them closely, blinking their little lights until they disappear from view.  I have felt like a by-stander, watching from a distance…A butterfly in the rain….

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